So I deleted it. Why? Because I came up with a better plan. On the ABC diet I am following numbers somebody else set up. Some days say eat 800 cals but it falls on the perfect day to fast...no family events or potluck things, no shift at work, for example....
And then in contrast, I want to have all my high calorie days fall on days that I work because I cannot function very effectively at work without having at least 400 calories or more sometimes.
I only work 2-3 days out of the week, so it works out so that I am not eating a higher amount too many days out of the week.
But yeah, if I fast at work, I feel like I can keep going and all, but my brain shuts down. I am just learning still, and the people are a bit intimidating, so it gets superbly embarrassing when I can't get through half a sentence because my body is getting screwy and I'm under stress. Caffeine does not help me at all for some reason.
Anyhow, lost 8 pounds to date. Wish I would lose faster...but it seems my body resists everything I do regardless of the fact that I've stayed on track pretty much amazingly.
That's all for tonight....got lots of stuff to get done before my next shift. Bleh.
2.7.09
24.6.09
New Blog: ABCDietExperiment
I am taking up the challenge of the "ana boot camp"
But have started a totally new blog for logging my progress on that.
Sorry I have been neglecting this one so much. Usually I neglect blogs when I am doing terrible with my progress, however, the contrary is true this time. I've been doing great. I had actually gained up to 176lbs during a trip to see some friends (always gain when I travel, no matter what I eat...it's a weird curse). It triggered me into cracking down seriously when I got home. I've lost 8 pounds so far, just by restricting and exercising and feel like I have my ability to stay in control returning in a way I have not experienced since probably my teens.
I found the 'ana boot camp' and while I think it's kind of scary that people that are already underweight and will probably damage themselves by it are doing it, I think that my fleshy, overloaded self damned well deserves to be put on such a regime.
Sick of being overweight.
So I'm back down to 168. Dunno what I was the last time I posted here, but I really really gained rapidly at one point and that is just not okay. I'm stoked that I'm already on the right track and have already lost 8 pounds, it makes me feel like I can really actually do this.
So....I guess that be all for now folks....:-)
Hope everyone is well....I have lots of reading to catch up on.
But have started a totally new blog for logging my progress on that.
Sorry I have been neglecting this one so much. Usually I neglect blogs when I am doing terrible with my progress, however, the contrary is true this time. I've been doing great. I had actually gained up to 176lbs during a trip to see some friends (always gain when I travel, no matter what I eat...it's a weird curse). It triggered me into cracking down seriously when I got home. I've lost 8 pounds so far, just by restricting and exercising and feel like I have my ability to stay in control returning in a way I have not experienced since probably my teens.
I found the 'ana boot camp' and while I think it's kind of scary that people that are already underweight and will probably damage themselves by it are doing it, I think that my fleshy, overloaded self damned well deserves to be put on such a regime.
Sick of being overweight.
So I'm back down to 168. Dunno what I was the last time I posted here, but I really really gained rapidly at one point and that is just not okay. I'm stoked that I'm already on the right track and have already lost 8 pounds, it makes me feel like I can really actually do this.
So....I guess that be all for now folks....:-)
Hope everyone is well....I have lots of reading to catch up on.
18.4.09
Nothing spectacular....
Thanks to everyone who left me suggestions for workouts and the likes...
I started some pilates and have been doing TONS of walking but more out of necessity and things I had to do this week. Still....it's walking...
I even tried running a bit....I can't get far but I'm better off than I thought I was after all this time being afraid to really start something and being lazy as a result lol
I am still in the process of deciding where I am and writing out a superb plan with all sorts of specifics and whatever I typically can't resist doing because I'm compulsive, like lists, plans, and over-organization haha....
I have been eating mostly salad. Somtimes that's all I'll have in a day. But I need to wean myself off the dressings and cheese and croutons. That kind of ruins it when I throw those in...
I am tired and out of it so I think I'll leave off here but I will come back tomorrow or whenever i have my exercise regime constructed, and post it!
Again, thanks, everyone!
I started some pilates and have been doing TONS of walking but more out of necessity and things I had to do this week. Still....it's walking...
I even tried running a bit....I can't get far but I'm better off than I thought I was after all this time being afraid to really start something and being lazy as a result lol
I am still in the process of deciding where I am and writing out a superb plan with all sorts of specifics and whatever I typically can't resist doing because I'm compulsive, like lists, plans, and over-organization haha....
I have been eating mostly salad. Somtimes that's all I'll have in a day. But I need to wean myself off the dressings and cheese and croutons. That kind of ruins it when I throw those in...
I am tired and out of it so I think I'll leave off here but I will come back tomorrow or whenever i have my exercise regime constructed, and post it!
Again, thanks, everyone!
13.4.09
Somebody help!!!
So...this is lame. But does somebody want to make me their project? lol
I feel really lost as to how to organize an intense exercise regime. I have only gone to extremes before, but really impossible ones, or else very purposeless random exercise, just to say I exercised, that is never consistent. I don't know how to make something that I'll stick to, and it realistic, but at the same time not this moderate, "exercise and eat healthy, and you'll be fine!" crap that has never worked for me either...
Like I want something that will give results in a decent amount of time. Or at least to know what the rest of you guys do, and how quickly you see results accordingly...
I have decided that the whole fasting, binging, purging, etc that I always slip back into will never have anything to do with whether I lose weight or not. Maybe at one time it did, but I really need to get this established for myself, I need to be tone if I'm going to accept being heavier than the ideals I used to have.
I dunno if this all made sense....
I just can't accept the idea of myself not looking at the very least 'just right' this spring/summer, and at my sister's wedding....
But I feel like I've always had such an out-there idea of what I must do for an exercise regime (which usually involved collapsing and ultimate failure) that I don't even know how to arrange it, not the first clue, now that I want to do this right....gawd....
I feel really lost as to how to organize an intense exercise regime. I have only gone to extremes before, but really impossible ones, or else very purposeless random exercise, just to say I exercised, that is never consistent. I don't know how to make something that I'll stick to, and it realistic, but at the same time not this moderate, "exercise and eat healthy, and you'll be fine!" crap that has never worked for me either...
Like I want something that will give results in a decent amount of time. Or at least to know what the rest of you guys do, and how quickly you see results accordingly...
I have decided that the whole fasting, binging, purging, etc that I always slip back into will never have anything to do with whether I lose weight or not. Maybe at one time it did, but I really need to get this established for myself, I need to be tone if I'm going to accept being heavier than the ideals I used to have.
I dunno if this all made sense....
I just can't accept the idea of myself not looking at the very least 'just right' this spring/summer, and at my sister's wedding....
But I feel like I've always had such an out-there idea of what I must do for an exercise regime (which usually involved collapsing and ultimate failure) that I don't even know how to arrange it, not the first clue, now that I want to do this right....gawd....
2.4.09
Ok so that posted.
I have nothing to say actually. I can't think straight, I'm achey. I barely eat but stay fat and puffy and icky....
I have been exercising very well on the other hand.
My sister is all stoked about doing the whole weight/diet thing when she gets here and talks about it.
Crap I can't think...lol
I have nothing to say actually. I can't think straight, I'm achey. I barely eat but stay fat and puffy and icky....
I have been exercising very well on the other hand.
My sister is all stoked about doing the whole weight/diet thing when she gets here and talks about it.
Crap I can't think...lol
29.3.09
Baaaaah..humbug.
So I dunno where that came from but I am feeling inspired today. Does anyone else notice it's sort of a rush/high to sit down and write out all the numbers, a new plan, when you'll hit this weight and that weight, and how much you'll eat, what you won't eat, what numbers you won't exceed....
I lost my ability to actually stick to anything I wrote down, quite a long time ago. But that doesn't stop me from trying again lol. It feels good, like I have the solution, the control, or at least the start of it....it makes things look possible, the future predictable, and if you're only going to get thinner and thinner, then, why, thing can only feel better and better, right!?!?!
Omg I know too well this isn't true either. But shit....I can't stop myself. I had to do it, and I'm going to try and stick to it.
Shortly after I was newly bulimic (which means, actually fit the criteria more than enough and was totally lost to it, with scarcely any of my past anorexic behaviours remaining...) I got very addicted to binging on chocolate bars. I had to sell them for a band trip, but I ended up eating them far too often.
I would binge on the chocolate starting around my last class at school in the afternoon and keep going til evening, throwing in the casual purge (umm excuse that description lol)
After every few days of this I would grow sick of it, myself, and my weight etc, and then I would sit down and write out my plan of how I would completely stop the binging/purging from now on and lose all the weight super fast, and so on. And I would always plan to start it 'tomorrow' so during my plan-writing, happily engage in one last binge...
It was a recurring experience in my life at that time, as I would rarely stick to my plan more than a day. I finally 'stuck' to stuff again my 2nd year university, was restricting, etc, back to all that....then went right back into the bulimia, weight gain, whatever, EDNOS really I guess....and haven't really truly 'stuck' to anything since.
I dunno. I need to do something right tho....
And I don't plan for the extremes that I used to think were necessary...I've learned....
Trying to be healthier about it I guess.
But nothing beats finally getting back to restricting effectively, to the point of seeing the scale change rapidly.
Speaking of which, I'm back down to 163 lbs today. LOL....must have been water weight after all...
So I dunno where that came from but I am feeling inspired today. Does anyone else notice it's sort of a rush/high to sit down and write out all the numbers, a new plan, when you'll hit this weight and that weight, and how much you'll eat, what you won't eat, what numbers you won't exceed....
I lost my ability to actually stick to anything I wrote down, quite a long time ago. But that doesn't stop me from trying again lol. It feels good, like I have the solution, the control, or at least the start of it....it makes things look possible, the future predictable, and if you're only going to get thinner and thinner, then, why, thing can only feel better and better, right!?!?!
Omg I know too well this isn't true either. But shit....I can't stop myself. I had to do it, and I'm going to try and stick to it.
Shortly after I was newly bulimic (which means, actually fit the criteria more than enough and was totally lost to it, with scarcely any of my past anorexic behaviours remaining...) I got very addicted to binging on chocolate bars. I had to sell them for a band trip, but I ended up eating them far too often.
I would binge on the chocolate starting around my last class at school in the afternoon and keep going til evening, throwing in the casual purge (umm excuse that description lol)
After every few days of this I would grow sick of it, myself, and my weight etc, and then I would sit down and write out my plan of how I would completely stop the binging/purging from now on and lose all the weight super fast, and so on. And I would always plan to start it 'tomorrow' so during my plan-writing, happily engage in one last binge...
It was a recurring experience in my life at that time, as I would rarely stick to my plan more than a day. I finally 'stuck' to stuff again my 2nd year university, was restricting, etc, back to all that....then went right back into the bulimia, weight gain, whatever, EDNOS really I guess....and haven't really truly 'stuck' to anything since.
I dunno. I need to do something right tho....
And I don't plan for the extremes that I used to think were necessary...I've learned....
Trying to be healthier about it I guess.
But nothing beats finally getting back to restricting effectively, to the point of seeing the scale change rapidly.
Speaking of which, I'm back down to 163 lbs today. LOL....must have been water weight after all...
High.
Yeah. I is high.
I don't particularly wish to discuss what I am on or why lol...
But typing feels really cool. What better time to come around and write in my blog....
I do have news. I'm up to 169 lbs.
How the heck........ ... ......... . .. ..... ...... !!!!!!!!
I'll survive.
I suck, I have genuinely lost control of my eating habits in the opposite direction of my past habits.
Or something. Other possibilities exist: period coming soon, have been eating tons of salty soup for my aching throat (caught a bug)
I haven't been eating that much, i've been exercising a lot. I always hold on to weight horribly when I start exercising. I don't know why. It hasn't been long enough to gain a bunch of muscle weight. I think my body reacts by hoarding water weight for my muscles or something that possibly isn't scientifically sound that I could come up with to make myself feel better lol
It's 5:30am where I am. I am sick. I should be asleep. But instead I am enjoying recreational mind alteration and bitching on blogger....
Sounds fine to me!
Omg I love my cat.......
Ummm...bummm.....blah. I can't wait for spring to really set in!
I saw the fattest robins today. They were so...FAT!!!!!! How can those buggers even fly...
The one in my driveway....I watched him for 15 minutes. I thought his spindly little legs were going to break. Maybe it's a she and she's going to lay some fat blue eggs soon, and that's why she looked like a basketball on stilts.
Do robins look pregnant when they are soon to lay eggs? I imagine birds just magically pop out eggs when nobody expects or is looking, and that they never 'look pregnant'
Fuck I wish that was my excuse lol....
Fat robins!!!!
I'ma go try and lay some eggs and see if I lose 50 pounds overnight....
Imagine being an emu.....those are some big effin eggs....ew....
Birds are just weird. I don't quite understand much about being a bird yet, or I imagine I wouldn't feel this way. They're so alien....
Imagine if we were all birds but with human intellect and civilisation at this level, etc. The consequences of being fat would mean we couldn't fly anymore. What a miserable way to end up feeling like some kind of outsider/reject right....
And then people would get plastic surgery to have bigger wings or something. Err....us birds, that is. Cuz we wouldn't be people....if we were birds lol...yeah....
That would suck balls.
But seriously, like.....do animals living in the wild get weight problems? I think this is majorly a human problem. A result of higher intelligence and a complicated psyche.
The only animals that commonly become morbidly obese seem to be domesticated house pets....animals directly under our care!!!!
If we were dumb animals we wouldn't be manufacturing all this plasticy chemical laden addicting food and spend more of our time in the woods looking for food instead of filling carts with calorie dense foods once a week and sitting on our asses for the rest of it :-P
Ok obviously I'm not speaking for everyone here, but just a thought.
Dammit....
We should start a movement where we donate all our newborns to the wilderness to become feral children raised by packs of wolves...ok I'm definitely kidding.......
Really gotta go to sleep.
I don't particularly wish to discuss what I am on or why lol...
But typing feels really cool. What better time to come around and write in my blog....
I do have news. I'm up to 169 lbs.
How the heck........ ... ......... . .. ..... ...... !!!!!!!!
I'll survive.
I suck, I have genuinely lost control of my eating habits in the opposite direction of my past habits.
Or something. Other possibilities exist: period coming soon, have been eating tons of salty soup for my aching throat (caught a bug)
I haven't been eating that much, i've been exercising a lot. I always hold on to weight horribly when I start exercising. I don't know why. It hasn't been long enough to gain a bunch of muscle weight. I think my body reacts by hoarding water weight for my muscles or something that possibly isn't scientifically sound that I could come up with to make myself feel better lol
It's 5:30am where I am. I am sick. I should be asleep. But instead I am enjoying recreational mind alteration and bitching on blogger....
Sounds fine to me!
Omg I love my cat.......
Ummm...bummm.....blah. I can't wait for spring to really set in!
I saw the fattest robins today. They were so...FAT!!!!!! How can those buggers even fly...
The one in my driveway....I watched him for 15 minutes. I thought his spindly little legs were going to break. Maybe it's a she and she's going to lay some fat blue eggs soon, and that's why she looked like a basketball on stilts.
Do robins look pregnant when they are soon to lay eggs? I imagine birds just magically pop out eggs when nobody expects or is looking, and that they never 'look pregnant'
Fuck I wish that was my excuse lol....
Fat robins!!!!
I'ma go try and lay some eggs and see if I lose 50 pounds overnight....
Imagine being an emu.....those are some big effin eggs....ew....
Birds are just weird. I don't quite understand much about being a bird yet, or I imagine I wouldn't feel this way. They're so alien....
Imagine if we were all birds but with human intellect and civilisation at this level, etc. The consequences of being fat would mean we couldn't fly anymore. What a miserable way to end up feeling like some kind of outsider/reject right....
And then people would get plastic surgery to have bigger wings or something. Err....us birds, that is. Cuz we wouldn't be people....if we were birds lol...yeah....
That would suck balls.
But seriously, like.....do animals living in the wild get weight problems? I think this is majorly a human problem. A result of higher intelligence and a complicated psyche.
The only animals that commonly become morbidly obese seem to be domesticated house pets....animals directly under our care!!!!
If we were dumb animals we wouldn't be manufacturing all this plasticy chemical laden addicting food and spend more of our time in the woods looking for food instead of filling carts with calorie dense foods once a week and sitting on our asses for the rest of it :-P
Ok obviously I'm not speaking for everyone here, but just a thought.
Dammit....
We should start a movement where we donate all our newborns to the wilderness to become feral children raised by packs of wolves...ok I'm definitely kidding.......
Really gotta go to sleep.
27.3.09
Happy Spring....
SO I've been totally missing in action....
I don't know quite how long. I'll have to check the date of my last post.
I've been amazingly busy with work and other stuff going on but doing well :)
Well, mentally, I feel well, better than normal. But I haven't been losing weight or at least I highly doubt it (I won't weigh myself, I'm afraid of how shitty it will feel to face the truth lol....I never used to be like thi...)
I can say, I have been exercising pretty much every single day. Mostly cardio, but I really need to get back into doing crunches, stuff like that...muscles!! I need them....lol
I feel sort of triggerred by the change in the weather. It is suddenly becoming quite warm out, and frequently sunny. I see spring clothes, some summer stuff even, coming into the stores around here, and I start thinking, omg I always feel so gross and fat and horrid and icky in more revealing clothes, especially during hot weather....I can't be like this yet ANOTHER effing summer in a row.
Plus my sister is getting married this summer and I REFUSE to be fat for that. It's been a long long long time since I felt thin and pleasant looking for a family event. Last time I was skinny at a family event, it was my grandfather's funeral. Yeah, I know it's retarded and slightly obsessive to care/remember, but I guess that's the ED....
I always felt disgusting being around all my aunts and cousins that all seem gorgeous, and totally hip and confident and such....
My mom has a huge family btw....so there are a ton of them lol...
And their all super talented, hysterical artists, and it makes everything so fun and inspiring....
But of course feeling fat somehow has to overshadow it all. lol...figures huh...
Anyway, back to my point..ummm....
Yeah. I am off to a good start with the exercise, but the food....omg I've been eating so much. I want to lose at least 15 pounds for my first goal (as you may have noticed I failed miserably on my last 'plan')
I've been purging a lot more lately, but I plan on putting that to a stop before it gets out of hand. It comes too easily and ugh....then it just wears me out. And then when I get phyiscally exhausted I tend to eat worse and more impulsively.
I dunno. I just can't believe it's the end of March and I have nothing to show for it. At least my figure has nothing to show for it....
My sister is coming to visit the end of April and she is OBSESSED with dieting and exercising and shit and cleansing fasts, ever since she decided she wanted to fit into a certain size for her wedding. She likes to imagine that I have no regard for my health (she has no idea about my ED) that I don't KNOW anything about health, calories, nutrients....like she's actually a damned snot about it and acts like she knows better than me. Hello...this has been my fucking obsession since I was 13, 14 ish....she doesn't seem to remember that pretty much EVERY book on health in our home, or bit of info or half the stuff she's learned was a direct result of me, when she was a kid, picking up on it as she grew interested (in highschool she decided she wanted to learn about becoming a naturopath and ended up going through all the books in our house related to health, so it was maybe moreso then)
Ugh ok rambling...
How do I say this...
I guess I don't want to feel like my fat ass is going to 'prove' to her that I am 'disregarding' my health, and have no control over myself. It's not so much because I have to prove myself to her, but that it would kind of feel like a victory for me, and at the same time she'll have no right to make any comments if she comes home to find out I've made far more progress than she has since she got engaged. She's lost like...5 pounds....lol and that's great for her, she's not even large to start with, and she likes the whole healthy 'slow and steady' thing (which is smart but I doubt I could handle it haha)
I guess I feel competitive. And partly that I've craved some real-time competition for a while in hopes it would 'trigger' me back on track. Blah....
But it feels even better if it's somebody who has criticized your body and eating habits in the past, to one-up them on weight loss or anything like that.
At the same time, it'll be great to motivate eachother to exercise and all that too.
Ok. So I am going to assume I am back around 165lbs. My first goal is obviously then, 150 (-15)
But ultimately, I'd like to think that I can get down to 145 before she gets here. Then I will be well under the 'overweight' line for my BMI and feel somewhat good, and that is a weight that looked rather ok on me (compared to 160, 170 something)
Not thin, but much much better lol
I am saying this based on photos, I of course thought I looked hideous last time I was at that weight, because I was gaining after having been anorexic and still had some major body image distortion...
So I hope the photos I have from then are not lying lol
Anyway, maybe by the end of April I will manage to hit 130. By then we'll be getting some even warmer weather, and I should feel a heck of a lot better about it by then..
That's all I'll 'plan' for, for now....
Going to sleep!
I don't know quite how long. I'll have to check the date of my last post.
I've been amazingly busy with work and other stuff going on but doing well :)
Well, mentally, I feel well, better than normal. But I haven't been losing weight or at least I highly doubt it (I won't weigh myself, I'm afraid of how shitty it will feel to face the truth lol....I never used to be like thi...)
I can say, I have been exercising pretty much every single day. Mostly cardio, but I really need to get back into doing crunches, stuff like that...muscles!! I need them....lol
I feel sort of triggerred by the change in the weather. It is suddenly becoming quite warm out, and frequently sunny. I see spring clothes, some summer stuff even, coming into the stores around here, and I start thinking, omg I always feel so gross and fat and horrid and icky in more revealing clothes, especially during hot weather....I can't be like this yet ANOTHER effing summer in a row.
Plus my sister is getting married this summer and I REFUSE to be fat for that. It's been a long long long time since I felt thin and pleasant looking for a family event. Last time I was skinny at a family event, it was my grandfather's funeral. Yeah, I know it's retarded and slightly obsessive to care/remember, but I guess that's the ED....
I always felt disgusting being around all my aunts and cousins that all seem gorgeous, and totally hip and confident and such....
My mom has a huge family btw....so there are a ton of them lol...
And their all super talented, hysterical artists, and it makes everything so fun and inspiring....
But of course feeling fat somehow has to overshadow it all. lol...figures huh...
Anyway, back to my point..ummm....
Yeah. I am off to a good start with the exercise, but the food....omg I've been eating so much. I want to lose at least 15 pounds for my first goal (as you may have noticed I failed miserably on my last 'plan')
I've been purging a lot more lately, but I plan on putting that to a stop before it gets out of hand. It comes too easily and ugh....then it just wears me out. And then when I get phyiscally exhausted I tend to eat worse and more impulsively.
I dunno. I just can't believe it's the end of March and I have nothing to show for it. At least my figure has nothing to show for it....
My sister is coming to visit the end of April and she is OBSESSED with dieting and exercising and shit and cleansing fasts, ever since she decided she wanted to fit into a certain size for her wedding. She likes to imagine that I have no regard for my health (she has no idea about my ED) that I don't KNOW anything about health, calories, nutrients....like she's actually a damned snot about it and acts like she knows better than me. Hello...this has been my fucking obsession since I was 13, 14 ish....she doesn't seem to remember that pretty much EVERY book on health in our home, or bit of info or half the stuff she's learned was a direct result of me, when she was a kid, picking up on it as she grew interested (in highschool she decided she wanted to learn about becoming a naturopath and ended up going through all the books in our house related to health, so it was maybe moreso then)
Ugh ok rambling...
How do I say this...
I guess I don't want to feel like my fat ass is going to 'prove' to her that I am 'disregarding' my health, and have no control over myself. It's not so much because I have to prove myself to her, but that it would kind of feel like a victory for me, and at the same time she'll have no right to make any comments if she comes home to find out I've made far more progress than she has since she got engaged. She's lost like...5 pounds....lol and that's great for her, she's not even large to start with, and she likes the whole healthy 'slow and steady' thing (which is smart but I doubt I could handle it haha)
I guess I feel competitive. And partly that I've craved some real-time competition for a while in hopes it would 'trigger' me back on track. Blah....
But it feels even better if it's somebody who has criticized your body and eating habits in the past, to one-up them on weight loss or anything like that.
At the same time, it'll be great to motivate eachother to exercise and all that too.
Ok. So I am going to assume I am back around 165lbs. My first goal is obviously then, 150 (-15)
But ultimately, I'd like to think that I can get down to 145 before she gets here. Then I will be well under the 'overweight' line for my BMI and feel somewhat good, and that is a weight that looked rather ok on me (compared to 160, 170 something)
Not thin, but much much better lol
I am saying this based on photos, I of course thought I looked hideous last time I was at that weight, because I was gaining after having been anorexic and still had some major body image distortion...
So I hope the photos I have from then are not lying lol
Anyway, maybe by the end of April I will manage to hit 130. By then we'll be getting some even warmer weather, and I should feel a heck of a lot better about it by then..
That's all I'll 'plan' for, for now....
Going to sleep!
11.3.09
Wowsarszzz!!!! Errmm.. hi.
So......
I'm so nervous about going to work right now. I'm eating tons of carbs.......
I was supposed to be sleeping. Instead I downed 2 granola bars and a slice of garlic bread, and 2 cups of almond milk. WTF.......wow....bad....lol
Ahh.....
I've been SO busy...and then so sleepy in between. And suck at this blogging thing pretty much, as a result. Boo.......
This weekend, I swear I'll do my best to catch up on all my reading and stuff....
Thanks for the comments, everyone.....sorry I keep just...disappearing lol
Not in the right way unfortunately :P
I'm so nervous about going to work right now. I'm eating tons of carbs.......
I was supposed to be sleeping. Instead I downed 2 granola bars and a slice of garlic bread, and 2 cups of almond milk. WTF.......wow....bad....lol
Ahh.....
I've been SO busy...and then so sleepy in between. And suck at this blogging thing pretty much, as a result. Boo.......
This weekend, I swear I'll do my best to catch up on all my reading and stuff....
Thanks for the comments, everyone.....sorry I keep just...disappearing lol
Not in the right way unfortunately :P
5.3.09
Short and Sweet
Guys..........I FOUND a JOB and ......got it!
I've been insanely busy with that. Sorry I have not posted in a while.
I have been exercising every day for the last week, somehow, miraculously.
I feel thinner, but I've gotten a recent phobia of weighing myself until I feel sure that I've lost weight lol
So I think today I am limiting myself to one small meal, and then after that....in the evening,...which is not my usual procedure, but oh well....I will weigh in!
I gotta run right now...but tonight I'll have time to read everyone's updates and talk some more....
Bye!
I've been insanely busy with that. Sorry I have not posted in a while.
I have been exercising every day for the last week, somehow, miraculously.
I feel thinner, but I've gotten a recent phobia of weighing myself until I feel sure that I've lost weight lol
So I think today I am limiting myself to one small meal, and then after that....in the evening,...which is not my usual procedure, but oh well....I will weigh in!
I gotta run right now...but tonight I'll have time to read everyone's updates and talk some more....
Bye!
25.2.09
OK. So I gave up on everything, and somehow it was very purposely, like...I dunno. Maybe not, maybe it's this OCD thing, but beteween attempts to fast I feel like, okay I'm going to restart, so I have to eat what I want for a few days and then eat really healthy to sort of prepare my body to fast. And then it gets extended, which I did not intend but...I know what I'm doing. grrr....
Tomorrow is the limit. I am going to eat one whole wheat pita in the morning with veggies, maybe a bit of cheese. (Bad I know) And then the rest of the day is salad and maybe a fruit smoothie. And then some psyllium to make sure my body is erm..moving things along...
And then I begin my fast.
Fast will include teas, herbs, water....MAYBE supplements if I can handle them, but they tend to be hard on the stomach and make gross burps if I am not eating with them. So we'll see about that. In any case, the fasting shall commence.
I am aiming for a week.
Also, I have a little challenge for myself, to exercise 45 minutes daily for the rest of Feb and through March. Fasting or not. Just to really get my silly self back into the habit because I am lazy as crap and need it desperately. I don't really care if you're not supposed to really exercise a lot during a fast. It won't be that much anyhow...45 min minimum...
That is all I have to report I guess.
Wish me luck! :-)
Tomorrow is the limit. I am going to eat one whole wheat pita in the morning with veggies, maybe a bit of cheese. (Bad I know) And then the rest of the day is salad and maybe a fruit smoothie. And then some psyllium to make sure my body is erm..moving things along...
And then I begin my fast.
Fast will include teas, herbs, water....MAYBE supplements if I can handle them, but they tend to be hard on the stomach and make gross burps if I am not eating with them. So we'll see about that. In any case, the fasting shall commence.
I am aiming for a week.
Also, I have a little challenge for myself, to exercise 45 minutes daily for the rest of Feb and through March. Fasting or not. Just to really get my silly self back into the habit because I am lazy as crap and need it desperately. I don't really care if you're not supposed to really exercise a lot during a fast. It won't be that much anyhow...45 min minimum...
That is all I have to report I guess.
Wish me luck! :-)
23.2.09
I've been really out of control today, eating a LOT of high fat food....
I dunno what the hell is with me....
Cheese, noodles, cookies, chocolate, buttery popcorn, cheese, more cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, gravy on fries....wtf
WTF
Sigh....I don't feel like i ate very much somehow, just small amounts of a lot of bad food....
It's not the worst thing ever, but just....not great..and pushing me backwards.
I'm 165 today. Retaining water, so it's probably lower in reality...
Water isn't real weight lol not if it's not my normal retention.
I exercised about a half hour today, but that's not great considering how much I need a lot more exercise in my life...
Um...yeah, and then napped the rest of my day. SO I think that is all I have to report...
Nothing, no drama, no excitement, nothing new....that's about it...and I'm sleepy! lol
I dunno what the hell is with me....
Cheese, noodles, cookies, chocolate, buttery popcorn, cheese, more cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, gravy on fries....wtf
WTF
Sigh....I don't feel like i ate very much somehow, just small amounts of a lot of bad food....
It's not the worst thing ever, but just....not great..and pushing me backwards.
I'm 165 today. Retaining water, so it's probably lower in reality...
Water isn't real weight lol not if it's not my normal retention.
I exercised about a half hour today, but that's not great considering how much I need a lot more exercise in my life...
Um...yeah, and then napped the rest of my day. SO I think that is all I have to report...
Nothing, no drama, no excitement, nothing new....that's about it...and I'm sleepy! lol
21.2.09
I am absolutely horrendously burnt out and was SO busy all day....
But I had to drop in and report that I am down one pound - to 164.5
Ugh been there so many times now. When is it actually going to go down down down...under 160, under 150...
Why haven't I been able to control shit for sooooooooo long.....
Anyhow, have to pick up the pieces from somewhere, and be patient I guess.
Not like it was going to happen overnight, or anything; I knew that. But it's all the realizing that I keep going above, below, above, below this weight, keep hitting 160something over again and celebrating it like it was a huge step. No, it's just the norm now.
Ah well, could be worse. I could have shot back up into the 170s or something insane like that. Or gone back up to my high weight and then some, as the books all predict yo-yo dieting and imbalanced eating habits will cause...
Yeh. I'm too tired to be ranting coherently lol So I say goodnight now!
Hope you are all well and having slightly more successful days than mine haha
But I had to drop in and report that I am down one pound - to 164.5
Ugh been there so many times now. When is it actually going to go down down down...under 160, under 150...
Why haven't I been able to control shit for sooooooooo long.....
Anyhow, have to pick up the pieces from somewhere, and be patient I guess.
Not like it was going to happen overnight, or anything; I knew that. But it's all the realizing that I keep going above, below, above, below this weight, keep hitting 160something over again and celebrating it like it was a huge step. No, it's just the norm now.
Ah well, could be worse. I could have shot back up into the 170s or something insane like that. Or gone back up to my high weight and then some, as the books all predict yo-yo dieting and imbalanced eating habits will cause...
Yeh. I'm too tired to be ranting coherently lol So I say goodnight now!
Hope you are all well and having slightly more successful days than mine haha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
